Superheroes Deal With Pain Too

I recently wrote this article for the Huffington Post, inspired by a confluence of things.  I have several friends valiantly battling cancer, several who have lost someone very dear in the last two weeks, not to mention others who in the last few months have lost someone unexpectedly.  And, the Sandy Hook anniversary just came around the bend.  I am in awe of everyone.  In awe.

I am training for my first Marathon which makes one contemplate pain in a new way as well.  I realized it's got some similarities to emotional and spiritual pain and discovered something that comforts me.

I hope you find it helpful: http://huff.to/1c1SiMo

Brand New Home Built for the Superhero of Love

Real estate prices are going up every day.  It's home-buyer kryptonite.  So it was time for the Superhero of Love to buy a new house!

Check out her beautiful new internet home  at http://superherooflove.com

Superhero of Love in Training Gets Ass Kicked By The Cable Guy

A “Superhero of Love” kicks ass in the world of love.  She has a knack for loving herself and others, and has that extra boost of inner strength from being connected to the source of all love.

I consider myself a Superhero of Love in constant training.  Recently, everything in my Superhero of Love world got twisted up: I got my ass kicked by the cable guy. 

I was switching from DirecTV to Time Warner so a technician had to come to my house.  I was told he would call 30 minutes before arriving to let me know he was on the way.  Instead, I looked up when my dogs started madly barking to see a man peering through the window in my kitchen door.  I was in the middle of working and wasn’t keen on this instantly creepy surprise. 

I ushered him in and walked briskly toward the TV/cable box.  He walked slowly behind me – practically meandering -- looking around my house, into my bedroom, etc. I got right to business. I told him where all the outdoor cable locations were and motioned to my desk telling him I would be working but available for any questions. 

He sat down on the couch like he lived here, and chatted casually about life.   I just wanted to get away from him.  He sensed this and said he’d need to check the phone and internet cables, which he had seen were under my desk.  I told them there were no issues there but he insisted.  He took advantage of my needing to wait for him to ask me questions about myself.   I gave curt but friendly answers hoping to speed things along.

The phone rang and I said I had to get it.  He replied “Take your time, baby.” 

Yep, he called me “baby.” 

He ended up calling me baby over the course of his time at my house three times.  And I said nothing each and every time. 

He then went outside to check cables and dealt with a wasp nest.  He came back in and asked to wash his hands. I motioned to the kitchen sink and saw that the blender was in it. I hesitated but said he could use the bathroom.  I quickly cleaned the blender and then noticed he was taking an inordinate amount of time to clean his hands.  He was in there several more minutes in silence. 

He finally came out and then went back outside for another round with the cables and wasps.  A short while later he asked to use the “restroom” and I told him the sink was now clear.  He said he needed to use the restroom.   He went into the bathroom for several minutes and didn’t flush the toilet or turn on the water this time.  I stood silent several feet away listening to try to figure out what he was doing.

He finally came back out and sat back down on the couch, hooked up the box and said as if he was about to start watching a really great movie, “OK, let’s see if there’s any porn in here.”  I exclaimed “Whaaaaaaaaat?!”  He replied that sometimes the cable boxes have porn left on them.  I said “Well get it off if it’s there.”  He said “Well the last lady it happened to, I told her I’d take it off but she said she’d take it off later herself.”  He gave me a knowing look.  I made it clear I didn’t want it on there.

After everything was connected and he was waiting for the box to connect he mentioned porn again.  I walked away from him and said “I don’t have time for that crap.”  He replied “EVERYONE has time for PORN!” as if it were the tag line for a new game show.

A few minutes later he left, handing me his card with his personal cell number handwritten on it, warning, “But don’t tell your husband I gave you my card.  He’d be mad.”

I shut the door.  My one act of defiance during the entire incident was shutting the door without responding to his final fishing expedition. 

Superhero, my ass!

After two weeks of trying to report this to his supervisor – who closed the complaint without ever speaking to me -- I finally reached someone in the security division of Time Warner.  The investigator spoke to the technician who admitted to sitting on my couch, going to the bathroom twice, and giving me his card.   After that interview was completed, I was informed by the investigator that my claim was “unsubstantiated.”  I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach.  I noted that I would have had to have a camera running the entire time to have this documented.  He sheepishly admitted this was true.  He assured me a file was opened, and that the allegations were taken seriously.  I was dumbfounded that this was the first file opened for this guy.  He had his routine down.

But I had my routine down too: Miss Nicey Nice.

When the investigator first interviewed me about all the details of this incident, he asked “Did you tell him to not call you ‘baby’?”  I paused, ashamed that I hadn’t, and replied that I was trying to keep the peace and just have him get the job done and get out of there as soon as possible.  It’s what I do: make nice even when someone is being wildly inappropriate with me.

There is no excuse for my allowing him to call me “baby” three times, mention porn another three times, and generally stomp all over my boundaries.   

Clearly I dropped my cape and mask somewhere.  It’s time to find them.  I’m going to get myself to a self-defense class because I want to get more intimately in touch with my “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” which is a tool every Superhero of Love must also have.  Sometimes to truly love ourselves, we have to be kick-ass boundary-building bitches.   

Happy Sunday! In Honor of Dog and God....

Superheroes of Love are always looking for new ways to love, love, love.  Check out my latest Huffington Post on being Lazy and Loving....

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bridget-fonger/finding-god_b_3496898.html

You ARE a Superhero!

A while back I added an App idea to my book proposal that will help women tap into their SUPERHERO OF LOVE.  It's a great App.  It turns out that there is a similar App out there that I just stumbled upon.  Of course it is by the superhero experts, Marvel!

You can tap into your inner Superhero by going here.  It is so fun!

http://marvel.com/games/play/31/create_your_own_superhero

My Dad, My Superhero Teaches Me About Super Hearing

My dad was my superhero. He died in 2009 and I miss him every day.  This morning I was finishing up a two hour project, about to hit the last keystroke on an email when I got a whiff of something I hadn't smelled for years. It took me a half second to place what it was. My dad's pipe tobacco.

It's not a smell that is mimicked by anything else, and as I sit in the very same spot that I was hours ago, there isn't even a hint of it. It was very, very strong, as if someone were smoking a pipe right next to me.

My natural instinct would be to simply be moved by the visit from my dad, send him love, and then go on with my work.  But, I have been working on the very important superpower that you will read about in my new book "Superhero of Love" which is Super Hearing.  Super Hearing doesn't just happen when there is noise around you.  It happens on many levels.

Something said: Stop.  Listen.  He's giving you a dramatic sign he wants to talk.

I stopped and immediately went into a meditative calm, as if I'd been meditating for a while already, complete stillness.   In that calm I knew my dad had a huge smile on his face.  He was so proud of me for knowing to stop.  He was so glad his clue worked.  And, then his message came.  He was beaming with pride at what I had done yesterday.

Yesterday was a very intense day for me.   I was about to pay more for a workshop than I had paid for anything in my life (other than a car!).  It was an enormous chunk of money that will actually keep me a little short of funds this whole month.   My dad told me that were he alive he would have encouraged me to do what I did, and further, would have gone with me to the workshop if he were around.

I had a lot of fear leading up to wiring the money, as there are many things I could have done with it that seemed perhaps more necessary, but I still knew it was the right thing to do.  Once I wired the money I was exhilarated, completely and utterly exhilarated because that is when the course began.

Yet, I have very few people in my life who would consider this choice a sane one.  My dad was a soul mate. We were on the same spiritual path.  I know he will be with me at this event -- in spirit -- peacefully in the background smoking a pipe.

My dad smoked cigarettes from the time he was 13.  He had three lung diseases: interstitial pulmonary fibrosis came first, then emphysema, and finally lung cancer.  He beat lung cancer, having a piece of his lung removed, but a combination of all of these took him out.  He stopped smoking when he was diagnosed with lung cancer -- finally!  I'd been begging him, of course, for years.

Over the years he moved from cigarettes to pipes.  He smoked cigarettes when tense and pipes when calm and happy.  I always loved the smell of that pipe and I loved how he was when he was smoking it.   It was like a "pipe meditation" and it affected everyone around him.  Nothing could fluff his feathers when he smoked a pipe. I loved the whole ritual he had of cleaning it, filling it.  The way he sat down in his big recliner when he was about to have a pipe was even different.  It was lovely.  And he really got a twinkle in his eye when he smoked it.

The portrait here doesn't capture that twinkle, it looks a little sad actually, but it's the picture I have out all the time next to where I meditate and I love it because of that pipe. 

I'm very happy I stopped today. It proves to me that I'm getting somewhere in my life-long pursuit to develop my Super Hearing and therefore to be a better Superhero of Love.

Superhero of Love Lands on Planet Earth!

Yes, the Superhero of Love has landed on Planet Earth!  It's you!  It's me!  It's all of us.  We all have a Superhero of Love inside of us.  So, she demands a blog!

I'm on the second draft of my book "Superhero of Love: Heal Your Broken Heart and Then Go Save the World!" and I'm writing it to help everyone get in touch with their own inner Superhero of Love.

In the meantime, here is a little relaxation tip to help you get in touch with her:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/10/bridget-fonger-gps-guide_n_3047236.html?utm_hp_ref=gps-for-the-soul&ir=GPS%20for%20the%20Soul&ncid=edlinkusaolp00000008