I went to a beautiful funeral yesterday of a woman gone far too soon. Even at 81, people can be considered gone far too soon. She had one of those zestful spirits that everyone wanted to be around forever, and frankly, she just seemed like she had the will to do it, no matter what ill may fall upon her.
I hadn't seen Margie in a long time. She was the mom of my college boyfriend. I have always continued to adore her from afar, and his entire family, including his beloved wife. I'm always thrilled when our paths cross, and am so grateful for Facebook. But, I didn't see Margie often over the years. And yet she left a deep, lasting impression on me: her quick smile + laugh, her wry wit, and the way she teased me, a combo like no other - with brains + heart, and in a way that I somehow appreciated (even though I seem to have an only child allergy to teasing).
The first thing I thought when I heard she was gone was that she must have been grateful near the end that each and every one of her kids carry her most precious attributes into the future. They are all quick to smile, laugh, and share her humor. Each and every one of them is funny. They carry her forward in all the very best ways.
Margie's daughter, Cecily, gave the moving and smart eulogy, which was mighty impressive as it was able to speak eloquently on behalf of all 6 kids, as if they had all taken part in its writing. I couldn't help but think -- as we all do at funerals -- wow, she would have loved this and felt so very loved.
Even when they know we love them and we even get to tell them all the ways we loved them before they die, there's something specific about funerals that could really make a mom or dad proud. This family lost their dad long ago but I have a fantasy that they were both floating Bewitched-style high up in the back of the church yesterday, thinking "Damn, we did good."
So, if you are a mom or a dad, even if you don't have the most harmonious relationship with your kid, just know that when push comes to shove you have passed on to them everything they need to be their best, and left out all the right stuff, even if that right stuff is something they need to pick up at a different venue down the line.
And, hopefully you can imagine your funeral and in your mind's eye watch them rise to their highest selves to get through the terrible grief, and to fully honor you. Because damn if it isn't always what happens. People rise to the occasion. A lot of us learned that from our parents. So, all you moms and dads please know that you are loved and appreciated far beyond your wildest dreams.
