The Power of Suffering, The Power of Healing

Carol Woodliff is a very powerful shaman here in Los Angeles.  She posted casually on Facebook earlier today that she was going to do a meditation for a half hour to "pray for courage and strength for all who suffer..."  She was inspired to meditate for those wounded at Standing Rock, and that led to her seeing images of Syrian suffering, and she realized she would be meditating for all those who suffer on the planet, not just those wounded by the conflicts in Standing Rock or Syria.

I joined her and listened over and over to the 16 minute meditation by Master John Douglas (spirit-repair.com) called "Karmic Repair" which leads you through an exquisite prayer on behalf of those suffering -- from the micro to the macro level.  First I did it for those in war torn areas, then again for people of color all over the planet who has suffered from abuse based on the color of their skin, then for all indigenous peoples on the planet fighting for their lands and cultures, then for all who suffer in any way.

I saw vivid images throughout this hour, each time being shown the abused and the abuser, and each time seeing that we have all played both roles at some point, whether intentionally or not.  We all suffer in our own way.  We abuse when our hearts are profoundly wounded, and we can't find the answers to end our own suffering.  One image I saw of a man beating another was that both of their hearts were in extreme pain, mirror images surpassing this snapshot in time where one would be perceived as in more pain than the other.

We all suffer.  And we all have the power to heal.  Ourselves and others.  We all have it in us to abuse and be abused, and we all have it in us to heal ourselves and others.

A very wise friend, another master healer here in Los Angeles, Master Bruce Sun, visited me the other day and pointed out my own suffering that I had not seen, which was the source of a physical pain I was having.  He saw a vision of a past life of mine where I tried very hard to save a group of people and I failed. Since that life I have felt the burden of that failure, feeling as if everything that goes wrong is my fault.  I created experiences and relationships in this life to confirm that.  In this meditation (which clearly appealed to my "everything is my fault" wound! LOL!), I asked that my own suffering born in that past life also be healed.  I think this may be the end of recreating experiences to make me feel this burden and suffering.

We can all make a difference.  We can all heal ourselves and heal others, and from this meditation I saw that they feed each other.  Healing begets being healed.  Being healed begets more healing, and so on.  

Most important, never underestimate your own healing power -- no matter how short the amount of time spent giving a smile, a love-filled intention or prayer.  You've got this. We've got this.  

Here's to each of us making a difference for the suffering of all on this jewel of a planet. 

When Doves Cry: When Pain is Left in the Cold

A beautiful man I once knew committed suicide recently.  He had been the boyfriend of a dear friend.  I used to love watching them love one another, how they were so easy and gentle with each other, how much they truly delighted in each other’s company.  He had a smile that could light up a room, and hers often lit up in reply.

Most touched by suicide are thrown into an endless round of mental acrobatics to understand it, everyone hoping to gain some tool or knowledge that might help with another loved one in the future.  But no two cases are ever the same, are they? This man was, in fact, doing all the right things to address his depression, hitting all the therapeutic marks. So, then what?  Where does the mental acrobat jump now?

Ironically, since getting this news I’ve been embroiled in researching happiness as I prepare myself to interview an expert on the subject.  I fell down the rabbit hole of TED Talks on the topic of happiness, which included presentations by many who, not surprisingly, have done extensive research on depression, including one by Dr. Nancy Etcoff (Nancy Etcoff TED Talk on Happiness) . 

The year of her talk was 2004.  She said that suicides actually outnumbered homicides in the United States at that time.  I was shocked by that statistic and thought it must be different now.  It’s not.  Suicide is the 10th top cause of death, homicide is 15th.  Our friend was most at risk to suicide. White males accounted for 7 of 10 suicides in 2014, with middle aged white men having the highest rates of all. (CDC Suicide Data)

Equally as troubling, particularly since this particular statistic’s moment of fruition is now imminent, Dr. Etcoff said that the World Health Organization claimed that depression would be the second largest cause of disability by the year 2020.   I personally know a lot of people battling depression, some also dealing with addiction that was sparked by trying to self-medicate for either emotional or chronic physical pain.

We all know someone who has an opioid addiction.  Thank you, Prince, for bringing it front and center. I wish we hadn’t lost you to have it so.

I know several people who are dealing with opioids, many of them not admitting an addiction, several fighting valiantly to face the pain.  But the allowing, acknowledging, and facing pain head on are all skills most of us don’t have.  I would rather look the other way myself.

I think we haven’t cracked the code on depression or addiction because we haven’t cracked the code on handling pain or -- as my Shaman friend, Carol Woodliff refers to it --  “holding pain” for each other in a way that allows for true healing. 

I know a few sets of parents whose kids are addicted to drugs who just want them to handle their addiction, get better and return to the way they once were.  I know other parents who are in the trenches attending Al-Anon helping their kids, husbands, siblings to hold that pain, and bravely, vulnerably delving into their own, causing transformation for their entire families.

Your pain touches the pain in me.  My pain touches yours.  If we can help each other hold and bear witness to the pain, we might be able to better meet the varying needs of people battling depression, anxiety and addiction.   There isn’t one code to crack, but there is certainly a systemic failure in our society to process, or even allow, pain. 

We want pain to be put out like a fire, quickly, expediently, with little regard for the sparks and dry kindling that gave it life.  I have to remind myself to look at what sparked the fire and make myself dive in even when I don’t want to.  I am working on shifting my judgment of pain.  I think we need a seismic societal shift around talking about pain but it has to start with me working on my own instinct to run from my own or others’ pain.

Instead of seeing a red flag I’m trying to look at the pain as a white flag as if my highest self (which wants to be fully expressed, unthwarted) is signaling, “I give up, let’s look at this pain together and heal these wounds….and I promise good stuff is ahead if we do.”

I’m not saying people who commit suicide aren’t doing their damndest, or that they don’t see the white flag themselves.  Nor am I saying that our friend’s support system wasn’t doing all they could do, or that the friends and families of addicts aren’t doing all they can do.  I’m just noticing that we aren’t giving ourselves a lot of openings for healing pain and increasing our happiness quotient, or bringing suicide off that list to top death causes, if we have an allergy to pain or people who are in pain.  In honor of those we have lost, I’m trying to deal with my own instinct to push it away, and not leave my pain or the pain of others in the cold.

How can you just leave me standing?

Alone in a world that's so cold?

When Doves Cry, Prince